Mental Illness Recovery Series: Story # 14

This is the 14^th story of the Mental Illness Recovery Series. I want to thank Callie for sharing her story with us. She is still struggling with depression, but is focusing on finding happiness and a fulfilling career. This is her story:

Callie is from Gautier, MS and she enjoys watching anime, playing video games and reading books. She is also fond of animals, especially horses. Callie hopes to become a veterinarian, or to work helping animals. She was diagnosed by a doctor for depression, but Callie also self-diagnosed herself with anxiety. She visited a therapist regularly after cutting herself. Callie spent a couple of weeks in a mental health facility, but became worse due to the treatment she received.

The staff members made Callie and others stay up till four in the morning, drawing out blood. Callie believes the other patients did not have a mental disorder, they seemed to be delinquents with drug addictions. She does not remember much of the symptoms, Callie said, “I’ve had it for so long it’s kind of a blur; the main thing with my depression was the numbness and sadness; I couldn’t seem to obtain joy from anything I did.” Her insomnia made her feel terribly exhausted, leaving her with no energy to do anything.  She also said, “The fact I placed high expectations on myself meant I wore myself out getting A’s and B’s at school; the constant bullying and difficulties making friends just made my self-esteem plummet adding to my personal hell.”

Callie’s depression and anxiety stemmed from her stepdad’s verbal abuse. She would constantly get scolded for not taking initiative to do anything, such as taking out the trash. Even when Callie decided to take initiative, for example doing the dishes, her stepfather still scolded her for washing a plate he didn’t finish using. This made Callie feel scared because she was afraid to do anything. She said, “My stepdad’s abuse only reinforced the poor view I had of myself.  Most of my years living with my stepdad led me to be anxious and scared in my own home. Scared I would be yelled at or hit for the slightest mistake.” Even through all of this Callie managed to get good grades at school.

Callie only self-harmed to feel something aside of numbness, but she stopped when she saw how upset her mother became. She had a hard time making friends, and it was hard to be friends with her because of her lack of energy to do anything. Even though her stepfather changed, Callie feels the damage has already been done. Her turning point was at college after having a nervous breakdown. Her mother gave her Zoloft and being on campus gave Callie access to a counselor. Little by little she started to improve feeling happiness. In college she was able to meet all kinds of people allowing her to create new friendships and socialize with her classmates that had the same interests.

In order to prevent herself from falling back she keeps herself busy with art and videogames. Callie relies on her mother’s love and dedication. She also repeats to herself the quote from Harry Potter, ‘Happiness can be found even in the darkest times if one only remembers to turn on the light.’ This experience has made Callie appreciate happiness, but this has also made her not to want children of her own because she uses too much energy on herself, and is also afraid her children would inherit her depression.

This is Callie’s advice to others struggling through similar situations:

“Everyone’s case is different; if you can find a true friend, hold onto them dearly; people who love you, keep close to you.  Find something like puzzles or videogames to keep your mind focused on something, even for a little while. You exist on your own terms, and you don’t exist to necessarily please anyone else but yourself.”

Callie is a strong woman, even though she has not reached her goals yet, I believe she can become a great future veterinarian. Stay strong Callie, my readers and I are cheering for you. Help me make a difference by sharing your story.