Mental Illness Recovery Series: Story # 11

This is the 11th story of the Mental Illness Recovery Series. I want to thank Bailey for taking the courage to share her story with us. This was not easy for her and for that I thank her immensely. Bailey’s life was full of terror, sadness and loneliness. She is an extremely strong young woman who has been able to handle her mental disorders. This is her story:

Bailey is from BC Canada and she enjoys her wonderful family. Bailey is fond of reading and animals. Her goal five years from now is to learn a musical instrument or language. She sees herself working hard to support her growing family and being active within her community.

Image from:
Image from:

Bailey was diagnosed with depression, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder and agoraphobia. She still struggles with depression, but is able to control it well. Thankfully she no longer has agoraphobia. She has received counselling and cognitive behavioral therapy with different medications.

She has dealt with difficult depressive symptoms such as; feeling numb, crying often, not eating, and sleeping a lot with no energy. Bailey constantly felt self-hatred and developed bad hygiene, she stopped showering, brushing her hair and would wear the same pajamas for days.

Her social anxiety disorder made her feel panicky in social situations. She also felt most of the time useless and that others were constantly judging her. Bailey was constantly overthinking things causing her immense stress. Bailey said, “I felt very angry that I can’t seem to function like ‘normal’ people”. Because of this she isolated herself.

Bailey always felt sick due to her generalized anxiety disorder. She had bad thoughts that repeatedly played on a loop. Bailey would feel panic and terror with weakness and muscle spasms. Her panic disorder did not allow her to focus on anything and she had a tough time verbalizing. When she felt overwhelmed her heartbeat would elevate and she would start to sweat while her face, hands and feet would go numb.

Image from: (mckaylazee)
Image from: (mckaylazee)

Her agoraphobia made her feel scared. Bailey said, “I was scared all the time but I thought being in my house (my room especially) made me feel safer.” If she wasn’t at home she felt out of control provoking her panic attacks. She also said, “I never felt like anything was real. Often felt like I was outside my body looking in at myself. Felt like I was always dreaming and things looked ‘too real’.”

All of these difficult symptoms affected her daily life. Bailey felt she was not living what so ever. Her depression started when she was 11 years old, and by the time she became a teenager she stopped eating and began to cut. She said, “I would feel numb for long stretches and then have short intense bouts of anger and I didn’t know how to cope with it.” Bailey is still struggling with her social anxiety, this is how she feels:

“I want to be able to go out and have fun like everyone else. I want to feel relaxed at work and not constantly be on edge because I’m scared of who might talk to me. I feel really stupid because I feel like I’m lacking something very basic. It makes me very angry and I have times where I have really critical thinking about myself. People think I’m very calm under pressure but I’d trade in feeling calm in a stressful situation so I could relax around people, talk comfortably and not feel so isolated and alone.”

Image from:
Image from:

Thankfully Bailey did not try to commit suicide, but she did wish to die in an accident because she did not want others to know how sad she felt and she didn’t want her friends and family to think they could have saved her. Bailey ended up not leaving her house for three months and she became clingy with her mother. She felt she wasn’t only ruining her life, but her family’s as well. Her friends thought she didn’t want to be around them, making her feel alone.

After being inside her home for months, she went to a doctor’s appointment. She was prescribed antidepressants, but Bailey refused to take them. Her mother pleaded for her to take it. Since that did not work her mother told her this story:

“One day there was a huge flood and many people had drowned or were in serious danger. There was a man sitting on his roof, praying for god to send him a boat. Suddenly a man in a raft rowed close by. The man in the raft asked the man on the roof ‘I have some room. You should come with me and we’ll find safety’ the man on the roof replied, ‘No thank you. God is going to send me a boat.’ The man in the raft went on his way. This happened two more times and both times the man on the roof declined. Eventually the water level got higher and higher and the man drowned.”

Then Bailey’s mother asked her, “What if this is your boat? Please get on the boat. I don’t want you to drown.” Bailey felt a powerful mix of love and despair coming from her mother, so she decided to take her medication and eventually things got better. The strategies she used to control her mental disorders was to use the tips she learned during therapy. Bailey also would challenge herself, to try something new and to speak within a group of people. She gave herself credit no matter how small her victory was. She also surrounded herself with close family and friends that gave her love and support.

This is the lesson Bailey learned from this ordeal:

“No matter how hard things get you need to keep going. 10 years ago I wasn’t sure if I’d even be alive today. Now I’m married with two kids, I have a job I love, and a lot of new passions. When I think about these experiences I don’t feel scared and weak I actually feel quite strong and powerful. I made it.”

Image by:
Image by:

Bailey refuses to get back to the point she was in. If she notices she is staying too much inside, Bailey challenges herself to go for a walk or to the mall even if she does not want to socialize. In fact sharing her story is a challenge she put for herself and I want to thank Bailey for taking such courage to share her story with us. Help me make a difference by sharing your story of recovery.

Leave your vote

0 points
Upvote Downvote

Total votes: 0

Upvotes: 0

Upvotes percentage: 0.000000%

Downvotes: 0

Downvotes percentage: 0.000000%

Related Articles


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Hey there!

Forgot password?

Forgot your password?

Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password.

Your password reset link appears to be invalid or expired.


Processing files…