Mental Illness Recovery Series: Story # 13
This is an anonymous story of depression and anxiety from Langley, BC, Canada. Within a year anonymous sees herself in college, but does not know what to do or where she will be. She has a passion for writing and digital art, although it has diminished due to her depression. She would love to do something in psychology, but she fears to get too emotionally invested affecting her mental health.
She was diagnosed on spring of 2012 by a professional who prescribed Cipralex for her depression and anxiety. She used to have an eating disorder, but thankfully she has recovered. Not only that, but she shows strong signs of OCD and PTSD, but has not been diagnosed with that. She believes her depression and anxiety could be due to genetics because it runs on her mother’s side of the family. When she developed her eating disorder her depression got out of control, making her world spiral downwards. She has friends whom she loves like family, and they had their fair share of struggles contributing to her depression and anxiety. Her possible PTSD could be caused by an ex-boyfriend, who sexually harassed her making her feel humiliated among other things.
Her depression has made her feel hopeless and heavy. Most days she has little to no motivation to do anything. She says, “Sometimes, it feels like I have a weight on me preventing me from moving.” This is what anonymous says about her hopelessness, “The hopelessness comes into play when I feel like I’ll never get better, and that sometimes makes me feel so hopeless that I get suicidal.” Ever since she broke up with her boyfriend, she feels emotionally numb and detached from the world.
In the summer of 2011, she started self-harming. Thankfully she has not self-harm since December 3rd, 2014, although she still struggles with the urges to do so. She has felt suicidal, but hasn’t attempted it due to her fear of dying. Her mental illness has affected her relationships with others because she feels like she can’t tell her loved ones how she feels at times, making her feel trapped. She says, “I feel like I can’t live my life freely, and I feel like I won’t ever be able to make it in this world by myself. If I think about it, it’s made me feel most of all trapped.”
What motivated her to recover was Demi Lovato’s story and her song “skyscraper”. Her parents helped her journey to recovery by allowing her to see a counselor. She has a strong coping system, it being her family and especially her friends. She distracts herself by watching interviews of her favorite bands, television shows, and reading manga and books.
This is what she has learned from her ordeal:
“That life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes life is a sharp blade that stabs you in chest. People will betray you, but your true friends will be there to help you get over your heartbreak. Even with your friends, no one can fix you other than yourself.”
This experience has changed her in many ways, she has matured and instead of being carefree like she used to be. She is now careful in life. She says, “I now know that you need to watch out for yourself, and that sometimes, you have to be the one to save yourself. There’s not always going to be a Prince Charming to save you from your despair.”
This is her suggestion for others struggling with similar situations:
“I would tell them that, above all, a strong support system makes the most difference. Even so, it’s important to remember that no one can “fix” or “cure” you other than yourself.”
I want to thank her for sharing her story for all of us. I am positive her story will help others in similar situations. She is a strong young lady and I a sure she will find her true ambition in life. Help me make a difference by sharing your story.
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