Fake friends. You make have heard of them. Odds are, you’ve experienced them. They lurk in the shadows, waiting to snatch up their next victim.
Why are they so fake? What do they hope to gain? Why do they always seem to slither their way into your life just so they can tear you apart with a smile!?
This is what some may have asked themselves when experiencing a fake friend.
Some, are just like: “okay… bye!”
Because let’s admit it, we do not need any fake friends in our lives.
In fact, they could not only be faking their smile and friendliness with you, but their ‘friendship’ may even lead to a toxic ‘friendship’. Yep. You read those air quotes right.
They’re not real!
Some friendships are definitely fake. Here are some signs to tell if you have a fake ‘friendship’.
1. They Adore Gossip and Drama
People who love to gossip all the time are not always the best friends. If all they do is want to gossip with you when you hang out, something might be going on.
How are you to know if they gossip about you?
The thing is, gossip can be very negative and draining to some. And if all they do is gossip, and it’s all the time, then that’s negative behavior around you. All. The. Time.
Gossiping can even be a form of relational aggression, which is a bullying-like behavior that ends up bringing about nothing but trouble.
Yeah, it’s pretty bad. My Aunt Edna used to gossip all the time. I mean, before she died. So tragic. She was really weird.
She had this thing, that everyone used to talk about. -Oh my gosh! You’ll never believe this story. It’s so embarrassing for her! I’ll tell you all about it later.
2. They Speak Bad About You Behind Your Back
Speaking of gossiping, remember how I mentioned how you may never know if they gossip about you?
How are you to know if they gossip about you?
Yeah, I asked that. Like five seconds ago.
Well, turns out they may just be speaking bad about you behind your back. And if you find out they indeed are talking about you in a negative light to their friends?
That’s a no-no.
Odds are, they are just using you for manipulative, gossip-seeking pleasure.
You never know, it’s pretty messed up. It’s best to just simply let that ‘friend’ go.
Trust me, I’m your friend.
Or am I?
3. You Catch Them in a Lie. All. The. Time.
All. The. Time.
I’m serious about this one. Pathological liars run abound the fields waiting for their next victim. Real friends tell you the truth, because they’re your friend and ultimately want to help you.
I mean, your best friend is likely to tell you if you do look fat in that dress. Because, it’s simply just a size down. Right? Right?
Some friends are extreme liars in a negative light. Because… there’s positive lying… right?
I really don’t know.
Thing is, some fake friends want sympathy and attention. And they will do whatever they can to gain that attention, even lie.
Trust me, I once knew this girl who lied so much her mom made her eat a whole box of dog treats and granolas. She even gave her a pink, bedazzled collar with her name on it!
Weird and random right?
But I wouldn’t lie about these things.
… I’m your friend.
4. It’s Always About Them & They’re Simply Selfish
All this negative behavior is making me anxious and sweaty. Someone get me a popsicle! Now!
When your ‘friend’ is always looking out for just them when you’re both together, that may be normal in some scenarios… but not if they’re a good friend.
They shouldn’t just run off without you to get treats or candy without you! Like… at a circus or something?
I don’t know! I’m trying to come up with scenarios!
They should always think of their friends too if they’re with them. And if they are selfish all the time, that not only is negative, but it’s just not nice!
So, if you’re with a friend and they are only thinking of themselves without asking you, or thinking of your feelings or needs, then you might want to think twice about if they’re a good friend.
And if they go off and don’t bother to bring you back a treat, shame on them. Someone get this friend a popsicle!
Oh yeah, did ya get mine? I really want one, and there’s one left, and… it’s-mine.
GET IT! NOW!
5. They Are Extremely Critical of You
Gosh, these friends sound dreadful. Can you imagine a friend like this?
Some fake friends will be extremely critical of their ‘friends’ because… well, they aren’t your friend. So, they don’t care if they hurt you, because they never really cared about you in the first place.
I mean… look at you. You sad, sad little soul.
Just kidding! Gosh, you’re so sensitive and ya know what? That dress does make you look fat!
*cough cough* Did I say that? Pfft! I didn’t mean it. Honest.
Remember, your friends shouldn’t be your biggest critic. They should be your biggest fan.
These fake friends really are dreadful.
…I mean, I did let some of my other friends know about you. And I did, technically, use the word dreadful to describe you when you weren’t there…
But! It was just ya know. A thought. At the time.
I didn’t mean it!
So, I’m not talking about you here. You’re not dreadful, you’re nice, trust me. I mean a little annoying, and you could work a little harder. I mean, c’mon!
Now, where’s my popsicle?
You didn’t get it?
Gosh! You’re so stupid!
6. They Are Jealous
Fake friends can be extremely jealous of the person they are pretending to be friends with. Thing is, they may, deep down, like you. But, because of their jealousy, they may just hate you even more.
These frenemies often feel jealous of the person but have no ‘dirt’ on them to be mad at. You did nothing wrong to them, you may even seem perfect in their eyes, so they may gossip about you to create imperfections in you. All because they’re jealous of you.
Gosh, why do you have to be so perfect? I want to be perfect!
I mean, it’s not like you are. Remember when your mom made you dress up like a dog and eat dog treats! Ha! That was so embarrassing for you-
What? It didn’t happen?
Oh. Uh… not like I told anyone.
7. They Aren’t Reliable, & They Aren’t There When You Need Them Most
Friends are there for you, especially when you are having a hard time. If your friend can’t stop talking about themselves and their problems, while not considering your own, then they suck.
In fact, you may be actively listening to all their just tough and ruthless situation.
I had to take the garbage out today.
There were so many dishes piled up and they smelled so bad!
Jason never called me back!
This top cost so much money it’s unfair!
My ferret died!
Okay, that last one was pretty bad. So, I mean… be there for them.
But! If it comes time to your turn to talk and all they do is interrupt with a quick:
Oh, I got to go.
Or they don’t even ask?
Don’t even bother with them. They are putting all their negative energy on you and taking all your positive. They don’t even bother to give back.
Gosh, just drop them. Seriously!
You did? Oh… oh you’re crying? Oh, uh… that’s too bad I uh-
Huh? What Aunt Edna?? You need my help in the kitchen?! Coming!
Oh uh, look at the time.
-I gotta go.
Written by Michal Mitchell
Also check out my article: “6 Misunderstandings About Introverts (Your Introverted Friend Wants You to Know)“
- Navilon, Genefe. “Do You Have Fake Friends? Here Are 11 Signs That Say Yes.” Ideapod, 16 Sept. 2020, ideapod.com/do-you-have-fake-friends-here-are-11-signs-that-say-yes/.
- Gordon, Sherri. “An Inside Look at Emotional Bullying and Social Manipulation.” Verywell Family, 2020, www.verywellfamily.com/relational-aggression-bullying-460498.