This is the 83rd story of the Mental Illness Recovery Series. Anonymous has been through hell, and considered to take her life away, but thankfully with the help of her family and her strong courage. She has been able to start recovery. This is her story:
Anonymous is from the Washington D.C. area, and she loves art and reading. She doesn’t know where she will be 5 years from now, but she said, “I’m just hoping I’ll be in a better place than I am now.” Anonymous was diagnosed and still battles with depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). She believes her mental illnesses were caused by different factors. She said, “The depression and anxiety were genetic with other family issues I’d like to remain private, but the PTSD was caused by a very close family and private friend of mine who molested me while I was at a normal sleepover. I have a feeling it had happened before, and possibly gone further. At this point, I honestly don’t know if I’m a virgin.”
Anonymous saw a psychiatrist and therapist regularly for 3 and 1/2 years and took different medications until recently, when a medication caused severe hallucinations and side effects that would have been fatal. She was actually put in a mental hospital for a short time, then a partial hospitalization program for a while, but it didn’t work out. She said, “Now I’m seeing a new therapist with a new medication and it’s working well.” She had dealt with various symptoms throughout her day. The depression at first made anonymous feel empty, but it eventually turned into despair and sadness. The anxiety provoked multiple panic attacks. She said, “The PTSD is still around with the anxiety, but after the molestation, I wasn’t able to sleep and would freak out if anyone ever touched me.”
Because of this she felt lost, she said, “After the molestation, I actually lost a whole year of my memory. It’s now starting to come back in bits and pieces, 3 years later.” This situation made her feel like everything was hopeless and meaningless. Anonymous considered suicide, but thankfully never attempted it. Although she did self-harm for about a year. She said, “I would cut my wrists and tell myself I deserved it. I also starved myself for about a year as well. I would sometimes go up to 48 hours without eating.”
Not only that, but her relationships became affected. She said, “I lost many close friends because I pushed them away. I felt like they didn’t understand what I was going through.” Anonymous hasn’t overcome her mental disorders, she is learning how to cope and live with it. She now goes to therapy, she said, “I never believed talking to a stranger would help, I fought it for a while, but I always feel better after I have a session.” Her family supported her the whole time, even when anonymous pushed them away. She doesn’t think she has learned anything from this ordeal, but her outlook in did change. She said, “I’m more realistic now. I see things for how they are. I still dream, yes, but not as often as I used to.”
This is her advice for those struggling with mental illness:
“For you individually, I have no idea how your mental illness will work out, because every case is different. You just have to be brave and face it. Don’t hide from it. Face it head on and don’t let it consume you.”
I hope anonymous will be able to find happiness in her life. Help me make a difference by sharing your story. If you or anyone you know needs a safe place to vent out and recieve advice feel free to become a member of the Mental Illness Recovery Series Group on Facebook.