Mental Illness Recovery Series: Story # 89

Patience is currently in, Nebraska, but has moved around a lot. She has many hobbies, she said, “I really enjoy writing, in fact I’ve even self-published a couple of books, and I love to spend time with my loved ones. I also enjoy driving, shopping, going on road trips, cooking, baking, and even cleaning. I love rock music, but I’ll listen to nearly everything. I love hundreds of movies, from Disney to horror, but my all-time favorite has to be The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and I love reading books.” Patience would like a successful career and to travel the world, have a family of her own and learn to follow her dreams. She said, “I see myself either living on my own or still with my family as I attend college, do recreational dance and act in community plays while I work a part-time job to achieve the objective career I want, which is to be a criminal profiler.”

Patience was diagnosed and still has depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). She believes her mental illnesses was caused by different situations. She said, “My depression is clinical as well as generic, which came from my mom’s side of the family. It started to grow when I had to move from Texas at age 11 to California and at the time school had already started and I struggled making friends. I was also bullied a lot and my grades were slipping. I would actually cut myself a lot because it was a way to escape the emotional pain and I felt like I needed to punish myself. As for the anxiety, that came with my paranoia. I constantly worried about everything and when things started getting worse in my life I would have severe panic attacks and had difficulties for a long time talking to people, even waiters at restaurants. My PTSD was caused by my ex-boyfriend. He mentally and emotionally abused me as well as sexually abused and raped me.”

She receives therapy once every two weeks and is on two different medications. Patience has to deal with difficult symptoms, such as feeling hopelessness and self-anger. She projected her angers towards her family and friends. She said, “I felt worthless and weak and pathetic and there are still some days where I feel like people would be better off without me.” Her life also became affected because had poor grades, and she would hide from everyone. She would cry every day and have negative thoughts. Patience has attempted suicide a lot, and would hurt herself by, cutting, scratching or punching her legs. Due to this her relationship with family and friends became affected.

Because of this she felt all kinds of emotions. She said, “I did feel trapped, angry, depressed, and desperate, but I also felt isolated, broken, weak, tired, and resentful sometimes towards my mom and dad for wanting to have me. I also felt like everything was always my fault even though things clearly weren’t my fault.”

The turning point for Patience was to move with her mom, and started seeing a therapist and psychiatrist. She moved because her father did not believe her and didn’t think she needed help. The strategies she used to move forward in life was to talk to her loved ones, take medication. She would also go out and try new things or stayed indoors and did things she loved. Patience said, “I also downloaded some apps like 7 Cups and Calm to help me keep control of myself when I felt like I was losing it.”

This is the lesson she learned from this ordeal:

“I learned that there are going to be times where it gets really hard and it gets really tough and ugly, but there are also times that life is beautiful and precious and that we need to enjoy it while it lasts.”

Her experience changed her outlook in life. She grew up a lot faster, and even though there are days she hates everything, she understands and see the beauty in things. Patience is in constant communication with people she loves in order to get support and keeps herself busy with school or work.

This is her advice:

“Talking to people, even if it’s difficult, is definitely a good start. It doesn’t even have to be people you know. There are so many support groups out there now that can be anonymous when you need them to be. It’s also good to look into yoga or some other form of exercise and to take a step back and breathe when you begin to feel like everything is getting bad again. I would also recommend 7 Cups and Calm for those who can get apps on their smartphones. It costs nothing and it’s incredibly helpful.”

Help me make a difference by sharing your story. If you or anyone you know needs a safe place to vent out and recieve advice feel free to become a member of the Mental Illness Recovery Series Group on Facebook.

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