You think you’ve found the one. They’ve got the brains, the looks, the morals, everything you’ve desired in a partner. And you couldn’t be more ecstatic. This could be the person of your dreams!
I mean… it is only the first date.
But! You couldn’t be happier.
Only, you sense there may be something off. You ask yourself:
Do they feel the same way about me?
Well, sometimes it can be hard to read the signs that someone may simply not be that into you.
So, to help you out, I’ve curated a list of nine signs someone is just not into you. Good luck, my friend. Good luck.
You’re welcome. 😉
1. They Don’t Open Up About Themselves. At All.
Some people are private, that’s reasonable. But if you’re in a relationship, that’s another thing. Your partner should be able to open up to you and share their life and opinions.
If your date isn’t opening up about ideas of their own, their past (depending on what date and how personal), their family, or even just their life, then they may not be into you.
Remember, if you want a serious relationship, things have to get serious. You have to talk about the things that matter and form a relationship and bond with each other. You don’t need to get too personal on the first date or second, but if things haven’t progressed and you are already – in your eyes at least – in a serious relationship, then he may not feel the same way about you.
2. They Haven’t Made the Move to Ask You Out
So, you’re texting this newly found ‘love of your life’. They’re a catch, and your head over heels. They are so into them! But… they haven’t asked you out yet.
I mean, this should be a pretty clear sign. If someone wants to go on a date with you, and you’ve made an effort or showed interest, they’d ask you out on a date. People get nervous with crushes or people they admire, but if they really feel something for you they’d at the very least ask you out.
If you’re the only one who’s made any attempt at meeting together in person – whether that be a romantic evening or even just to grab a cup of coffee and hang out – you might want to reassess how much you thought of this person. Is he really into you?
3. You Just Aren’t Feeling It
Okay, this person is really perfect for you. We’ve been through this, right? Perfect personality that matches with you, just your type of looks, extremely smart, but…
You don’t get excited about him and you just aren’t feeling the chemistry.
Truth is, we can generally figure out if someone isn’t into us by the way they make us feel. You know, past all the ooh lala crush feelings? If you’ve been talking to this person for a while and you don’t feel the effort on their end, then that usually means you won’t feel the chemistry between you two. Usually you won’t feel chemistry because, they don’t feel it too.
-He’s not into you!
4. They Ignore You
Okay, bear with me, my friend. But… if they’re ignoring your calls and texts…
-What are you doing?!
If this great person doesn’t care enough to call you back or respond to your texts, then they obviously don’t care enough to start a serious relationship with you.
In fact, they may be ghosting you. Read my simply fantastic article: “8 Signs Someone is Going to Ghost You” for more insights. Simply fantastic piece of writing if I do say so myself.
Now, don’t ignore me… go read it! 😉
What’s with all these winky faces? Am I in a weird emoji mood tonight!
5. Their Responses Are Short
This goes back to both the ‘ignoring’ aspect and the ‘he doesn’t open up about himself’ sign. Generally, if someone doesn’t want to talk further, …they won’t, talk, further.
Well, I have to finish the article…
So! If they may ghost you, or they may just be extremely brief with their responses.
But how so?? Tell me more valuable insights??
-Just kidding, I just put a casserole in the oven, and it’s got about five more minutes. I got time. 😉
Think about it, if you don’t want to talk with someone, but don’t want to be rude or impolite, you may just give the most minimal response required. It lets them know: ‘hey, I got a casserole in the oven I really don’t want to talk about your paper mache goldfish collection, okay?’
Instead of just saying that, society begs of us to simply respond to your paragraph about your personal past, self reflecting monologue, and all finished off with the existential question to the meaning of life, with a thought provoking, insightful:
You know, so we don’t simply ghost you?
Hey! Don’t look at me like that! I don’t got time for life’s biggest questions right now.
I got a casserole in the oven!
6. They Don’t Introduce You to Family or Friends
If your wonderful partner doesn’t introduce you to any of their friends or family, he’s not interested in something long term.
If they are sheltering you away from their friends, ask yourself: why? Aren’t you important enough to them? Wouldn’t they want to tell their friends and family all about this amazing person they’ve fallen for? If you are already months into a relationship, and you haven’t sat down and met with their friends or if you haven’t been properly introduced to their family, they aren’t serious about you.
When we feel strongly about someone, and things are just right, we want to not only introduce them to the ones we love, but get their support and feedback on the person as well.
According to a study published in 2014, support marshalling for romantic relationships is normal, especially if you can’t stop thinking about them.
We want our closest friends and our family to root for the one we love as much as we root for them. Getting their feedback and security is a stepping stone into moving the relationship into a much more deeper place.
Read my article “6 Signs You’ve Found ‘The One’” for more information on this study, and signs you have someone who actually is serious.
7. They Bring Up Their Ex Often
If they’re talking about their ex more than their talking about you – or themselves, (remember sign number one!) – then they are likely not over them.
If they’re not over their ex, then they are most certainly not into you. At least not seriously.
If it’s a serious relationship you’re after, your partner won’t be bringing up their ex every day. Whether it’s in a reminiscent way, or a begrudgingly way, if they are talking about them seemingly 24/7, then it’s time to realize they may not be over them.
8. Their Phone Is Protected at All Costs
Okay, nobody wants someone snooping through their phone. And you shouldn’t feel the need to snoop through their phone if you feel everything is secure in the relationship, and if you trust them.
But, if they seem overly protected about their phone and who they’re texting, then they may be hiding something from you. It’s best to express your concern and if they seem really on edge about it, ask yourself why?
9. They’re Not Ready For a Relationship – And They’ve Told You!
Ah, your crush is just too perfect for you…
Jeez what is it about you two?! What’s so great about this guy?
But there’s just one problem… they say they’re ‘not ready’ for a relationship.
Pssh! Who ever is? Right? Right? Am I right??
You think, in your little daydreaming mind: “they’ll see how perfect I am for them, and how they are perfect for me, -aND ThEn wE’lL bE tOgETheR fOrEeeeeevvvveeerrrr.”
-Wake up! *slaps dramatically* Smell the roses!
This person has made it clear they aren’t looking for something serious because they aren’t looking for a relationship right now. Odds are, if they don’t want a relationship now with you, they won’t want one in the future with you. And if they had the urge to actually say this to you in the beginning…
They really are just not that into you.
Now go on. Read some more of my articles. I gotta go.
I got a casserole in the oven.
Written by Michal Mitchell
- Bernstein, Jeffrey. Three Signs That He Is NOT Into You! 17 July 2016, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201607/three-signs-he-is-not-you.
- Kim, Jen. “6 Signs That Someone Just Isn’t Into You.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 30 Sept. 2011, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/valley-girl-brain/201109/6-signs-someone-just-isnt-you?page=1.